Teacher Learns Again

Life is never easy. I remember as a young married woman, I had a recurring delusion that if we could just solve whatever problem was creating the current strife, then we would be fine and we would live Happily Ever After. Really. I don't remember when I realized that there would always be a new problem. Or a repeat of the Same Old Problem. I also didn't realize that as time goes by, people change, circumstances change, and problems--rather situations--that you could never anticipate, bob to the surface of relationships colliding with the status quo. There will always be something. The trick is learning how to deal with it in the context of your relationship reality. You might wish to alter that reality, or you may ignore that reality, but it is still reality. So, the real challenge of grownup life and marriage is recognizing reality. Then, work with it.

Today, I had to give our Relief Society lesson because my scheduled teacher was off dealing with an unscheduled family emergency. But I don't ever mind giving the lesson. I would be willing to teach every week, but I know that is not the plan. Anyway, our source was a conference talk from the May Ensign, called Concern for the One, by Elder Joseph Wirthlin. He talked about three causes of people becoming the Lost Sheep of the parable. It was a powerful talk that could be given over and over in every meeting in every country. I wrote three questions on the board:

• Do you ever feel different, or weird, like you don't fit in?
• Do you ever feel weary, too tired to go on with your life, overwhelmed?
• Do you ever feel like you just can't understand or follow some of the doctrines of the Church?

As I wrote them, one lady called out, "Are you reading my mind?" Several other sisters laughed and concurred. It was a great lesson. We talked about how everyone can feel they don't fit in at some time in her life: too old, too young, unmarried, divorced, widowed, rebellious children, no children, not enough children, wrong hair, wrong politics, different cultures. But there isn't a dress code (other than basic modesty) nor it there a "correct culture" or official family status. I know what the basic doctrine teaches: family family family--that is an ideal and we can all strive for it, but we live in reality. One mother described how prickley her unmarried-with-a-son daughter has been for years around Church members. Then talked about how loving members of her daughter's ward in another state have helped her to sooth the hyper-consciousness of this glaring deviation from norm. People in her ward searched out the Lost Sheep, not content knowing they had their Ninety-Nine. I've complained in past posts about feeling excluded in this ward. It is still an issue, but to close the lesson today, I concurred with Elder Wirthlin's testimony that God is, in fact, our Parent, and just as we may sorrow for our children's choices, He feels sorrow about ours, but His love and care is unchanged. Each individual human is His child. I couldn't get out of the room from women approaching me with tears in their eyes about personal situations and how great it was to have this lesson. I was surprised to learn of some of the sorrows I had not known about.

No, I can't explain everything that may seem contradictory or impossible in doctrine--I don't have to!!! Lucky deal!! I maintain that this is the purpose of eternity. We'll have a different view then. We'll know what God knows. We'll know the underlying causes of some of life's inexplicable troubles. We'll have the benefit of mercy to temper justice. But I'm really glad I got the chance to be there in RS today and teach this lesson. It reminded me that I'm not alone in having seemingly insurmountable problems in my life. It reminded me that helping others always gives comfort to the giver, too. It reminded me that I continually need to keep my eternal perspective instead of the view that only looks at next week. I get tired of trouble, everyone does. It is soothing to share with other women, even though no one can solve others' life conundrums. But we can cheer each other up.