Pity Party

I realize that I've been blogging less lately because lots of the things bugging me are just too personal to blog about. Here's one that bugs me that I'm willing to put out there, but I'll probably sound whiny and self-centered. Oh well.

I've been part of the RS presidency in my ward now for about seven months. More and more I realize that I'm just the third wheel on the bicycle. The rest of them are all "natives." They've lived here for most of their lives--they were born here, or in this region. (The old southern Utah and southern Nevada era was very combined--many family inter-relationships cross back and forth.) Therefore, when we get talking in a meeting, someone will say "Oh, did you know that Sis. Blah-de-blah is a [some family name]? " Then the conversation will veer off into some obtuse antecdote about her great-aunt who dated one of the ladies' uncle's cousin and how they always went to the Manti pageant for their family reunion and how her second cousin married the temple president's brother-in-law Marvin and their kids were all on the same team as someone's grandchildren and now they're all living in a different stake and he was her former bishop and don't they all miss the ward that used to be before they re-aligned all the boundaries? And I'm sitting there not knowing a single soul they're all reminiscing about in their secret "Las Vegas Pioneer Code". It happens so regularly that I no longer even try to pay attention, because they don't care that I don't have a clue. They're not talking to me. They're just talking to each other.

I really have a different personality than them---I honestly don't care about designer purses, nor do I drink diet Pepsi for breakfast. And if I did, I wouldn't brag about it, or maybe if I did, I wouldn't think anything about bragging that I drank diet Pepsi for breakfast. I've never been the sort that lunched--they are. I'm not a fashion plate--they are. But if I contribute a thought, or an antecdote, I get a response of "Uh huh..." and then they just go right on. Translation: booooring. You know--the tone people take with a child? Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive. I don't think I'm easily offended. But I'm starting to get a little touchy here.

I think the main reason the RS president picked me for a counselor is that she liked a talk I gave a couple of years ago on Mother's Day because it was a non-traditional one. I pointed out that I had come to realize how many women didn't like Mother's Day and why they didn't and I addressed those concerns. But the more I serve with her, the more I realize she dismisses me in little ways. I recognize that she and the other counselor have more in common: they're both moms with kids at home. Being redheads, they tend to have similar, very dynamic personalities and know how to get their own way really well. And they're accustomed to being the alpha-girl in their circle. Me, too. But, I'm waaay out-done here.

I keep finding out all the occasions they "get together" as women and families, and have fun, and associate informally. I don't get invited. It's not just because I work. The RS president has a more-than-full-time job with the school district. However, when we moved this time, I noticed that having no kids really made the transition harder. I don' t have a very big footprint in this ward. I go to many events, I help out as often as possible and I don't feel old and out-of-it, but I guess I'm seen as an old lady. I'm just not READY to be an old lady.

Ironically there is a certified Old Lady in our group, the secretary. But, she is one of those "old family" people, and, like the president, has worked in the school system forever and a day. She is a terrific and entertaining person and I like her very much. But, she is very compatible and "in" whereas I am definitely "out". I'll bet they don't even realize they're doing it. (Because they're self-involved to a great extent----oooh just saying that sounds so SELF INVOLVED...) But it makes me think hard now about the presidencies I've been part of in the past and I wonder if I was the cause of other women feeling like they weren't really part of the Cool Group. I hope not. And I definitely am learning something for the future.