How Do I Believe?

In response to some recent questioning of how I believe...not what...how...I wish to write a few things.
 

• I have attended church all of my life. I go because it feels good there. But it isn't the people, especially, it is something within that makes me feel good.

• I have never attended church because of the people there. In fact, several times in my life, I have attended church in spite of some of the people there. Even when I was a child. Please know, however, that I love and admire many of my fellow congregants.


• But, I can feel that feeling almost anywhere if I look for it. I continue to attend church because I believe that there are ordinances there that I need.


• I know God lives. I don't know where "heaven" is. I don't know how the concept of eternity can be understood. I have a couple of questions for when I get to heaven, though. One of them is: What was that hormones thing for women all about??? ...golly.


• I cannot reconcile everything I have been taught with everything else I know.


• There have been five separate occasions in my life when I received a "message" from a person I knew, who was no longer living. I won't go into detail here, but I was awake, I wasn't soliciting their comments or reactions; I was completely taken by surprise. The messages that I received from them were very important and gave me comfort and understanding.


• These events were so compelling, and etched so completely into my consciousness, that I cannot deny the existence of the human soul as an eternal entity.


• There was nothing creepy nor spooky about these events. On the contrary, I was overwhelmed with a sense of total peace, love and serenity.

Therefore, when I am faced with confusion or contradiction in my religion, or when I read or hear something that I don't understand or I cannot accept, I just set it aside for a while. Then, I compare these "problems" with my personal experience as a believer, and I relax. If I have to choose between my sure knowledge of God's existence, of our eternal souls, of aspects of the Plan of Salvation, and a perceived contradiction or an apparent failing of a sustained leader, then I stick to my sure knowledge.

I can't speak for anyone else. I cannot pass on to another person the experiences and feelings I have had. I'm sorry I cannot do a "Vulcan Mind-Meld" and let them know and feel what I know and have felt, because it could save others some anguish, probably.

This seems to contradict the faith principle, I know. I realize we are taught that we must have faith and then we will get confirmation by the Holy Ghost. Maybe I did have faith. Sometimes when I received these messages, I was in prayer. So maybe there is no contradiction here. I hope I don't sound like I lack humility when I say that there are some things I no longer have faith in, because my faith has been replaced by certainty and sure knowledge.

And that certainty and knowledge allow me to just trust the rest of it. It was trusting the principles I'd been taught that resulted in being in a position to receive the messages, I think. God uses a still, small voice. I know that sometimes He uses a still, small, familiar voice so we'll know, without doubt, that the source of the message is Him.