The Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of our family's founding: my parents were married 66 years ago today.(And I thank my oldest sister for her reminder e-mail this morning. I'd written the date on my white board and was thinking about them.) They were sealed in the Salt Lake City temple, and then lived in Salt Lake City for a several months where my mother worked as a secretary and my dad was a laborer. They moved back to their Wyoming childhood home to help my mother's dad who had injured his hand in a saw accident. My father had grown up on a farm, and was a hard worker, so he was an excellent choice to help with the spring planting and summer haying.

I've told this story before, and last year, I talked about their very different upbringing, even though they lived in the same rural community. However, I keep discovering what I learned from my parents as the years go by.

1) You should always speak kindly of one another to the rest of the world. I didn't ever hear my mother indulge in the "husband bashing" that is popular in today's world. Maybe it just wasn't done in her generation, but she certainly never talked down about my dad in my hearing. And he certainly was her Number One fan.

2) Help each other as much as you can. When I was a teen, I realized my mom picked out my dad's clothes every day, laying them on the bed for him, as he cleaned up from the morning chores. He'd dress in that outfit and go drive the school bus, then change back into his chore clothes when he came home. I thought it was just a manifestation of her bossiness. As a teen, I was hyper-sensitive to bossiness in a mother. But as an adult woman, I came to understand that he'd never had a "wardrobe" as a poor orphan, and he appreciated her helping him to dress appropriately. It allowed him to feel comfortable in his job and know that he looked professional. He did draw the line at pink dress shirts, however, when that fad came and went in the 70's.

3) Teach your children how to work, by working alongside them. I am eternally grateful to have learned how to work hard. I have succeeded in my life, over and over, by simply knowing that I can finish a difficult job by just persisting and not giving up. Neither of my parents gave up. They both supported each other in the endless tasks that parenting and farming presented. They had children living in their home for over 36 years. It's astonishing.

4) Keep the romance alive. As my mom she stood at the stove cooking a meal and he was passing by to wash up for that food, my dad would give her a little pat on the fanny,  or a hug and a kiss. She'd protest in a laughing voice, which clearly meant that she'd enjoyed it, but...not in front of the kids...They really liked each other. My mom fixed her hair daily and put on lipstick. She always dressed nicely and had some really cool Sunday clothes. He was very proud to be seen by her side. It was hard on both of them when his long illness turned her into his nurse. But it was a labor of love.

5) Help everyone else whenever possible. My parents fed a lot of people over the course of their lives. And I'm not just talking about the eight kids they produced. Many Sundays, an old bachelor guy was picked up by my dad and brought home after church to eat our mid-day feast. Daddy would also hire a mentally challenged man to help him with different laboring jobs during the week in the winter. His pay included a hearty meal, along with the few dollars he earned. We had an endless parade of relatives who dropped by in the summer for a meal. We had a little boy live with us one summer, the son of my dad's cousin. His family was having some type of trouble, so we just had an extra brother for a few months. Car trouble on the highway? Come to our house. New baby? My mother would bring food to you. Hay mower broken? My dad will share his. I realize that this was a community trait, but my parents never held back when the need arose to give service to others.

So, in honor of this date, I hope that you can think of your parents fondly, and think of ways that they set an example for you. And if that isn't easy, or even possible, then start today to build those good traits into your life, so that one day, your offspring can make a list about you.