Phoning Home

Sometimes when you think you're doing just fine on your own, you realize that you're not on your own, and you weren't just fine. This week, I had a bad week. It started out great.

On the weekend, our son called a couple of times to let us know:

 1) He'd gotten his first set of orders because he was almost finished with sonar school. He is going to Guam to serve on a fast attack submarine for three years. I was very excited for him; he was very excited, too.
2) Then, on Sunday night he called to say he'd proposed to his girlfriend and they were thinking of marrying before he leaves in six weeks. (The new plan is for the wedding to be next summer.)

Whew!!

That was a lot to process in just two days. I was thinking "Guam!!" That's really far away. And he'll be under the ocean a lot. This is my baby boy we're talking about here. Well, okay, he's  not a baby anymore. He's nearly 30 and over six feet tall. And this submarine gig is what he's been working toward for over a year now. (That's a bad thing about motherhood: you're still the mother, but you have to just let them go.) So, I'm excited for him to jump into this career that he's chosen. Also, I really, really like the girl he's marrying. She's just right for him. So all this is great stuff. But somehow, my weird body took all the excitement and turned it into stress.

I woke up Monday morning with a vicious knot in a muscle right where my left shoulder meets my neck. It felt as though a knife were sticking in it. I stretched and twisted and rubbed and pulled. But nothing I could do would relieve this pinch. I take a daily long-release anti-inflammatory, so I couldn't take more. I tried Tylenol, and it helped a little. The next morning it was worse, and each day it felt terrible as soon as I got out of bed and went downhill from there. Sigh.

By Thursday, I was pretty miserable. I had a dreadful day, with the nadir being my first afternoon class for whom the lesson didn't click. Not only did they not get it, but they were apparently all afflicted by Squirrel Brain (which is a condition that happens to nine year olds when they don't want to work, so they act like squirrels: chattering and messing around and leaving the teacher feeling NUTS!) By the time I got home Thursday, I was exhausted from pain and aggravation. Friday loomed ominously before me. I laid on the couch with a heat pack on my shoulder/neck knot.

Friday was scheduled to be Science Lab Day. Every three weeks, I do a lab activity. I always do the labs because I love to do them, and the reading and math teachers have far too many standards in their subjects to spend even one day doing Science. Plus, I can always have them write about our experience later, and it's good to have participated in the event so I can prompt them. But, how was I going to do Science Lab Day when my shoulder hurt so much and I was, as a result, short tempered and cranky? It wouldn't work.

Friday morning, I got up, dressed and knelt to pray. I apologized for being so stubborn and arrogant that I had given up praying for several weeks. I apologized for being so unhappy and upset that I didn't want to pray and feel better. There are some things that are very upsetting to me the last few years. I begged God to let me have a good day at school. I pleaded that I could be calm, pleasant, and let the students enjoy this day. They were all anticipating it so much. I asked that my pain could be minimized so that I could keep a good attitude.

The rest of the day, I felt no pain there. I didn't even realize it until I sat down at the end of the day, in complete exhaustion. We'd had a terrific day. We accomplished a lot of science (the properties of water and observing the differences in density in hot and cold water.) It was an action packed day. I'd been on my feet all day, I'd run around the room monitoring and supervising three different classes doing these investigations and --- not once --- did I even remember I'd had a pinched muscle that had been in a perpetual cramp all week.

As I sat there reading my e-mails after the students all left, I felt a little twinge in my shoulder. It was starting to come back. I got home and was ready for the couch and the hot pack. (Yes, I'm seeing the doctor next week.)

So this evening, I sat and listened to the Relief Society broadcast, and heard Sister Reeves talk about "casting your burden upon the Lord." I sang "I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine, to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine. " I realized that my Father in Heaven might get a cramp in His neck sometimes because His daughter is always trying to go it on her own. And she doesn't need to. He's there. He's reaching out. He waiting by the phone. All I have to do is reach back. All I have to do is ask.

I needed to have a good Friday. It's terrible that I almost didn't pray for help. But, I've been so rebellious and proud that I felt embarrassed. I've been out of touch and not phoning home. Yet, when I did ask for something --and it was mostly for the students--I got an answer to that prayer that was instantaneous. It wasn't subtle at all. I had no pain all day. When school ended, it came creeping back. It's back now...but I needed it gone on Friday. I asked for help and I got it. I feel like I was Daniel in the lion's den. Angels came and held the Pain Lion's mouth shut all day. Wow.

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.