Bad Vibes

I had to have an MRI a couple of nights ago. It wasn't a particularly great experience. First, the appointment was for 6:00 P.M. Or at least I was to arrive at 6:00 to fill out the paperwork. So I did, and after I turned it in, I settled down with my newspaper. A few minutes later the nice lady behind the desk came over to confide that they were running "a little behind" and there'd probably be an hour wait before it would be my turn. (!!) She suggested that I might like to go over to the mall next door...They had my cell phone number and would give me ring. So, I realized I did need to pick up a few things at the market, so I went there and wandered around and got my stuff.

I got back to the clinic and, great news, it would just be about 10 more minutes. And it was only about 20 minutes, so that wasn't so bad. I took off my clothes and donned the icky gown, removed all my jewelry and hair clips and stashed it all in the locker. Then, I followed the technician down the hall to the machine room. I've had several MRIs. They are unpleasant--loud clicking and banging noises assault your ears, and you're in a small space. But I've never felt uncomfortable. They always give you headphones to help block the noise and once they even asked me to select a couple of CDs they played through the headphones while I was magnetically resonated.

So, I laid down on the freezing cold tray, shivering because I'd been dressed in my snuggy clothes all day and now I was clad only in a thin cotton gown and my socks. She did have some blankets to tuck around me, for which I was grateful. I was so tired, and by now it was after 8:00 P.M. so I thought I'd just close my eyes and sleep during the procedure. I'd napped through other MRIs.

But when she'd inserted me into the tube, and started pinging me, I realized I'd left on a silver ring that I wear on my right hand. I rarely take off this ring because it is smooth and doesn't snag on things like my diamond engagement/wedding set, so I'd forgotten it. But the ring was vibrating and and zinging with the machine and I didn't think it was a good thing. But then I suddenly realized that I didn't have any way of communicating with the technician. In another city, they'd given me a little buzzer to ring if I needed to signal the tech. But, I didn't know what was going to happen to my hand with this ring and just as suddenly, I realized I was completely shoved into this little teeny tube and couldn't move and I freaked.

I mean, I didn't start screaming or anything. I merely knocked on the side of the apparatus like one would knock on a door. I just hoped she'd notice because the noise from the procedure was really loud and so I knocked and knocked a couple more times. All the while my stomach started to churn, I felt completely panicked, I felt like I've seen a rabbit look as I surprised it under a bush--wide eyed and ready to flee.

It only took a second, really, for her to shut off the machine, come over and push the button to extract me. But I was in a state when I got out. I felt so stupid. I told her about the ring and the zinging and vibrating. She assured me it wouldn't hurt a thing, nor mess up the images. But, I just couldn't go back in there like I'd been before. She said that maybe I'd rather use the open MRI machine, but that they didn't have one on this site. Well, my doctor appointment is on Monday, and I really, really wanted to have this MRI so she could review it. But, I'm telling you, I was in a state. I felt so awful and so exasperated with myself, simultaneously. She was very kind and reassuring. I kept apologizing and saying that I'd had several MRIs and I'd never felt this way before.

So, she tried another technique. She had me lie the opposite way, so that my feet and legs went in first, so that when I was in the position I needed to be for the imaging, I could see the ceiling of the room by just tilting my head a little back. That felt comfortable and open enough and fine. I was able to get the procedure finished successfully. But my stomach and my brain didn't recover from it until about midnight. In fact, sitting here describing it to you, I felt the same emotions, just not as intensely.

I think I've realized what happened. When my ring started to vibrate and resonate with the machine, I didn't know to what level this reaction would continue. I didn't know if my hand would be burned or hurt, or if some other more drastic reaction would occur. (I'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking what a dope I am--because you understand the technology of the MRI.) But when I realized I couldn't do anything about it if my hand did start to burn or some other unknown and more dramatic consequence would happen, it made me very worried. Not being able to move or extricate myself, or even lift up my head to look suddenly completely freaked me out. It is a very, very bad feeling.

I hope this isn't some new manifestation of Old Ladyhood. Last month, I couldn't lean over the rail at the hotel and look down the five floors to the lobby below me without going completely weak in the knees and having my stomach drop. I've never liked roller coasters, however, and even the Ferris wheel used to spook me. So perhaps it's just the usual cowardly me. I hope so, the aches and pains that forced me to the doctor are quite enough, without some new weird thing going on in my brain.