My Child, Right or Wrong

We had another one of those incidents at school yesterday and today when I wonder about parents who don't realize that this child is their kid for the rest of their lives, and decisions they make about misdeeds have long-term consequences. I'm not going to be involved ever again in 29 more days. Thank goodness.

This has happened to me before, years ago. A child yells obscenities at some other kid, or tells a huge lie that gets other people in big trouble (some adults in this event). Then the child gets ratted out by a whole variety of other children who are astounded or frightened or offended. The perpetrator is called on the carpet, evidence presented, the child--no longer credible---tearfully confesses, writes apologies, tells everyone they are sorry. But the situation requires parental notification because part of the consequence involves some loss of privileges at school and, well, it was horrible behavior and parents should be involved.

Then, the student goes home and--incredibly--convinces the parents that he/she didn't really do it at all. Everyone else lied, the teacher, the kids, the principal--everyone! And the parents come back to school and defend the child and insist that the child does not deserve the consequences, why are people always lying about their kid, what is the consequence for the other kids who lied, how can this teacher continue to be maligning my child only...etc.

It blows my mind. It isn't just poverty kids, either. If parents do this enough times, then what do they expect when this child is a teenager and the results of the misdeeds are far more than lost recesses? Do they realize that sometimes their child makes bad choices? It's normal. Dealing with it at nine years old is so much easier than when it involves the police and lawyers or unwed parenthood or expulsion. Sigh...I've raised kids. It isn't easy. But when your child is wrong, it's okay to support the learning process of natural consequences. And any child can be wrong sometimes.