Tell About A Time....

The learning standard was to write a personal narrative and the prompt was "Tell about a time when you were disappointed and things didn't turn out like you wanted."  It was part of long diagnostic test that the students had taken, and many of them wrote very little or wrote a fairly boring introduction along the lines of "I am going to tell about a time when I was disappointed."  Now, I'd spent a great deal of time in the last month grinding away on the concept that when one is answering a small question (called a "constructed response" in test jargon) that it is critical to restate the question and then answer it. Then, in the next sentences explain your reasons for that answer with details from the text. Don't use because in your topic sentence; then it isn't a topic sentence any longer---it's a detail sentence. So, I know why they used that dead form "I am going to tell you about...."

However, we re-read the directions and it explained that they were actually not responding to a text they'd read---they were supposed to write a personal narrative. Sigh. Teachers are always changing stuff on us, just when we kind of get good at something. Sigh. Read directions??? Are you kidding???

So, to stimulate thinking for this, and to help them to understand the idea of explaining a "disappointment" I wrote a paragraph to read to them. We've studied before how to write a narrative and how to start it out with a compelling opening; something that will motivate the reader to continue reading. So, I tried to write a paragraph that would get them thinking about how they could try to motivate their readers. (ahem...me.)

I turned the corner in our high school hallway,  and headed down toward the junior lockers. There was Deb, talking to Chad, and my heart started to beat nervously. Now was my chance! It was two weeks until the Sadie Hawkins Dance and I planned to ask Deb to be my date. I was almost there, when, suddenly, all my plans were ruined!

 So, do you want to know more? Are you interested? Can you tell that I was excited and happy and then found myself "disappointed?"  My students got the message. In fact, when I read each small group that tiny paragraph, they all leaned in toward me, and when I ended the last sentence, nearly simultaneously and breathlessly said, "What happened next?!?!?"  It was an awesome lesson. I asked them, "So...you want to know what happens next, huh?  So, did I write an interesting opener? Do you understand that this is definitely about a time I had a disappointment? Can you tell that, at first, everything was going great, I expected to get what I wanted and I was excited, and then.....blah."

It changed the whole lesson. Suddenly everyone (well, most everyone) figured out how to rewrite their story. 1st: let the reader know that everything was going to be great and why. 2nd: let the reader realize that something went wrong with your plan.  Then, go on and tell about the let-down. Voila: a great personal narrative about a time when you were disappointed. They eagerly rewrote their opening paragraphs, and next week, we'll spend some time completing those stories and sharing them.

And, yes, I did tell them the end of my story. Just then, another girl came around a different corner, and she got there to Deb about three steps ahead of me. I saw her approach him, realized why she was there, heard her ask, heard him reply "Yes" and then suddenly, I needed to figure out how I was going to pretend that I was walking up to him for some other reason, or that I wasn't really walking over to him, or something!!  It was a terrible disappointment. I'd developed a serious crush on him, and now it was not meant to be. In fact, I had to figure out how to get out of there without being embarrassed. The kids were very sympathetic as I told "The Rest of the Story" and some suggested that I should have stepped up and tried to get him to change his mind. However, I asked them if they'd ever seen a cartoon or a movie where two people are walking toward each other, and there are hearts and little birds flying around and beautiful music is playing as their eyes meet?  Well, that's the way it was with Deb and Marie. Then I told the students that a couple of years later, after high school, those two got married and they've been married ever since: nearly 40 years! Oh. Well, they optimistically asked me, "Who did you go to the dance with? Did you go ask Mr. [CoolGuy] then?"  Um....no. He had a girlfriend already. I did find a nice boy to ask, and he had a cool car, so it was okay ultimately.

They love to hear stories of my life, and they love to give me advice about how I should have conducted myself. I assure them that someday their traumatic life events will simply be a good story to tell their children and that they'll get over almost everything. Plus---all these things that happen can be turned into really interesting stories to write the next time some test prompt asks them to write a personal narrative!!