Today I picked up a boy's backpack off the floor and it was packed as tight as a drum. It wasn't heavy, so I said to him to take his coat out of it so it wouldn't be so bulky as it hung off his chair. He pointed out that it didn't have coats in it--it was all wadded up paper.
And it was...we cleaned it out during the lull after recess when some kids were finishing up in the bathroom and some were just drawing idly at their desk. We have about 5 minutes before we transition into the next topic. This guy is on a behavior plan, so he takes home a paper every night that chronicles his day for his mom. It is broken down by the hour so that he can fail or succeed and then regroup for the next hour if necessary. She is to sign them to show that she actually saw it.
Normally, he is on the ball with these and she is too. But today I found every sheet since we returned from Christmas break and every piece of missing homework, permission slip, completed work--everything---crammed into a wad in that bulging backpack. I gave her a call and asked if she could come in when she came to pick him up after school so we could talk. She agreed.
I knew that they had been taking care of a sick nephew. Today I learned all the details: the sick nephew is three years old. He has been sent home from the hospital in California to die. He is on hospice care, he has a morphine pump. His skull is covered with lumps from tumors, his eyes are bulging from his head because of the brain tumor, he is just waiting to die. She showed me pictures.
She is a very sweet woman and I really like her and I like her son. Some days, I'd like to wrap him up in duct tape and tie him to his chair....but he is also a very thoughtful, helpful, soft-hearted person (with spectacular ADHD). Mom apologized for neglecting our boy, she said that ever since the little nephew came home (about 3 weeks ago) it has just been so draining. She said she can't understand where all of her energy is gone to and then she pointed out how hard it was to see this little dear baby being transformed day to day into this disfigured, tortured soul. (Well, she explained it differently, but that is what she meant.)
I finally just hugged her and said, "You take care of home and we'll take care of school, and soon enough you'll be able to take care of all the kids in your house again." Seriously, I just felt so sorry I'd even bothered her.
No wonder he can't concentrate or he sits and cries sometimes, or he gets flaming angry at some pest who is bugging him!! I can't believe he isn't just laying in the floor crying every day. He loves this little nephew. I knew they had been taking care of him for about a year (I had his big sister last year.) I'd heard how they went back and forth between here and California to hospitals for this and that. I guess his real parents just can't deal with it, or his dad is in prison or something equally dreadful. But I didn't realize that the little nephew was at my student's house, dying while being sedated so that the pressure from the tumors don't cause him to cry continually from pain. Hospice is helping them every day. But, still....three years old.
Okay...we'll deal with it. Wow.
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3 comments:
Now that I'm really getting into and love my work, I just had to comment. I know it's not really a part of your job as a teacher to do this, but if you want to can check out a couple of these resources to help this little boy and his family:
1) Go to American Cancer Society's website: cancer.org. They have some great help if you want to search around. I'll give you a couple of leads: a) in the Search box, enter: "Grief During Childhood" and "Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer". These two can take you to other relevant resources; b) from the home page, search for the ACS office closest to you. I noticed that in one LV zip code there were 2 patient navigation offices listed--that's what I do. They may be very helpful in referring you (or the family) to children's support groups, etc).
2) One great resource you can look for in your area is a program called CLIMB (Children's Lives Include Moments of Bravery). It's a program by the Children's Treehouse Foundation (www.childrenstreehousefdn.org). It is a 4 week program geared specifically to children whose family members have cancer, and helps them identify and express their feelings. Their website has contact information and/or ACS or a local Cancer Center might know where the meetings are held.
Hope these help. Cancer is one disease that affects the family as much as the patient. And when the patient is young, it's impact is strong.
Good luck! Call or write if you need more info (Ben can give you contact info). Jennifer
Thank you! We have a terrific school counselor, but she is having a baby on Tuesday and I feel like we're losing our mom with her out on maternity leave. I'll look into these.
Another idea--sorry, I'm a bit slow in getting around to putting this up--is to find out which hospice this kid is under (I'm assuming that he's terminal and that he was sent home with a hospice agency following him). The hospice and/or hospice nurse should be able to connect the family with resources--if not provide them themselves--of counseling in how to deal with the their feelings/emotions/children's behaviours at the end of this child's life. End of life care is the specialty of hospice care. Supposedly. I know the hospice nurses that I work with here are awesome. This approach, however, will take more cooperation with the child's mother... Again, good luck!
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