Biblio-biography: Chapter Five

In 1976 I had my first baby. He was born on his due date (!) and we had a very normal, rather short-labored (12 hrs.) birth. Since CoolGuy was an active-duty sailor I had all my pre-natal care and the birth in the Naval Regional Medical Center, San Diego. This facility was the location of nearly as many births in the USA as Provo, Utah. There were lots of young married Navy families living in the region. (That may by different, now three decades later.) Everything was satisfactory in that we had the baby, everyone was healthy and we were discharged to go home three days later.

Then, we decided to make a second baby after that, and about 1/3 of the way through the pregnancy, CoolGuy read an article about homebirth in, of all things, Navy Wife magazine. He showed it to me, I read it, but my first response was, "Sure it sounds great to you--but I'm the one giving birth." Then I started asking around about homebirth, and then I read some books about giving birth without the hospital system and I began to be intrigued. I went to my prenatal clinic visits and asked questions of my Naval Officer/OB-GYN/Doctor caregiver and his response was consistently negative.

My questions were things like: Can I walk around in the labor room? (Therefore not be hooked up to the monitors, IV, etc.) Could we have the baby room-in? (The mothers were in wards and there wasn't space for the babies in there with us.) Do I have to have an episiotomy, or could we just use massage and support? (Don't be ridiculous.) More and more I began to realize that what they were offering was not the birth environment I wanted.

So now you're wondering, "What does any of this have to do with a book?" Here's the book: Spiritual Midwifery. I don't who gave me this book or introduced me to it, but it was a life-changing read. We had decided to look for a mid-wife. Ironically, in San Diego of 1978 I could have gone to any number of places and purchased weed easily and openly. But getting connected to a midwife was much more complicated. At this time, the authorities were prosecuting lay mid-wives for practicing medicine without a license. So, the homebirth midwives were very careful of whom they elected to take on as clients. They really didn't want to be arrested by an undercover policewoman posing as a pregnant mother.

I worked at a dry-cleaner/laundromat just down the street from an organic food restaurant and the owners washed their linens at my place. They were friendly and, since we often ate there, they recognized me. We chatted about my pregnancy and were willing, when asked, to connect me with a midwife. But, seriously, someone called me, and then I was given a phone number of a person who then had the midwife call me. Each of these calls had questions for me about the pregnancy and my motives for homebirth. Evidently, we passed the tests, because we were then invited to come to her office and meet the midwife and she took me on as a client. Whew.

We attended birth classes at her home/office/ashram t0 learn all about the process, because as she pointed out: we were in charge, and her role was to "catch the baby." We had our back-up plan. If things went badly, we lived close enough to a hospital that we could go there promptly. I'd prayed about it. I read the scriptures every day, and I read Spiritual Midwifery all the way through, and then I'd re-read little bits each day again. I felt calm and comfortable with our decision stay home for this birth. Spiritual Midwifery was important factor in that calmness.

Here's how it inspired me: We'd taken Lamaze classes for our first birth and it worked really well until transition. Then, I was completely astounded by the intensity of the pain. I mean, I'd never even had menstrual cramps in my life. I'd never really experienced pain before, so this was terrifying. Lamaze doesn't help you at that point. You cannot distract yourself for that. But, in Spiritual Midwifery, I read women's accounts of birth and a consistent theme was to just focus on the "rushes" (contractions) and "ride" them like surfer on a wave. Don't fight it---use it, it is a powerful force doing a good thing. So, instead of tensing up and screaming or freaking out and insisting on the drugs after all, I did just what I'd read about and focused so that all my energy was helping instead of resisting the contractions. Wow---it was magic. It still hurt, of course; in fact, some women respond to my homebirth stories by insisting that I must not have had very bad labors. Let me assure you--there was pain. But, it was productive pain, and I had learned to use it instead of struggle against it. Giving birth is a near-death experience in that you are just along for the ride, and at some point in the process, I always felt as though I might not make it--it is harrowing to be in that much pain, and know that you, personally, are not in control of the outcome. What will be, will be.

Now, maybe I'd have had a three-hour labor and delivery anyway, at the hospital, and maybe not. But, luckily, I'd already planned for the midwife to be the one frantically traveling around and doing all the moving. All I had to do was hang out there in my own home and give birth. After she was born, I had a shower, my dear friend (the chef) was there to cook me a bountiful meal (I was RAVENOUS) and then I could lie down in my own nice waterbed and enjoy my sweet little daughter, with our two year son snuggled next to us (no sibling rivalry needed since Mom didn't leave home)and CoolGuy did all the laundry. He was delighted to have us all right there, without him having to find a sitter and go across town to the hospital and then drive home etc. etc.

We had three more homebirths with this same midwife and each birth was a calm, serene event with such spiritual overtones. I was overwhelmed by the sense that the veil was very thin and we were so near to heaven. In fact, for baby #5, our midwife pointed out that I was now violating most of her strict protocols: I was over 30, I had more than 3 births, I was a bleeder (she'd give me pitocin because I hadn't contracted after #4 to deliver the placenta and close the blood vessels adequately). But, she loved to come to our house and participate in our deliveries because it was such a spiritual event when we gave birth. She enjoyed the atmosphere. I was very flattered by her compliment. It was interesting to realize that she felt that too. She was Buddhist with her own understanding of the eternal nature of our souls. "Heaven lies about us in our infancy." (Wordsworth)

Since my experiences with this guide to a serene sense of well-being during childbirth, I've passed it on to many other women. I realize that most of the ammenities we were striving for in 1978 are now routinely offered to women in hospitals, so the concept of homebirth may seem odd to mothers now. But, it was such a powerful blessing to CoolGuy and I to be in charge of this very personal and monumental event that I will be forever a fan of Ina May Gaskin and her contemporaries and thank them for writing my guide through the Valley of the Shadow that leads to motherhood.